it's mine

.,.,.,.

2004-01-12T22:58:31Z

well tony is ok so far. they let him from the hospital wing but i got to visit him at least twice since he was there. god, i miss him a lot. my mom and dad have been talkin to me more because they want me to come back. i wont do it. they kicked me out because of problems and want me back since i will be easy to live with? no. i am starting classes soon that my parents are payin for. i was going to start in winter but that got delayed by work. i am still working at mcdonalds. it is boring but at least it is money and i am saving most of it. i did buy some really cool boots though it was a splurge. i get one little splurge a week or i save up and get one big one. im staying at traceys house for another few months and then i will have enough money for rent at a cheap apartment.

i hope everyone had a good christmas. mine was ok. i visited my parents and resisted thier attempts to make me stay. i love them still though. i just need to be on my own. for now.

trinityfyre @ 2003-12-08T17:55:00

2003-12-08T22:57:06Z

i dont even know what to do with myself! tony got hurt in a fight yesterday. his mom called me at my friends house to tell me. she said she did not now how badly he was hurt. and i am working for the next few days and wont be able to see him. i am so scared. i cant help him and i cant see him. i can only pray but what good does that do? it seems to never help anyone i pray for. look at me. my life is a mess. the only good thing is tony and hes hurt. please god let him be ok!!

trinityfyre @ 2003-10-19T15:36:00

2003-10-19T18:44:05Z

wow sometimes i forget that i have this thing. but im glad i have it so maybe i will look back and remember when i was young. work has been ok since they have let me start making food instead of working register which means less dealing with mean people. i am amazed how people can be when ordering because they treat me like i am stupid. but i am not! at least i am here trying to make money to get a place of my own to stay. im back at lisa's house for now which is ok with me and her family. sometimes i feel like one of them.

i saw tony a few days ago and i missed him so much. i felt like i could cry. he seems like he is doing ok for being in jail and he told me how so he was that he messed up again. but he told me since he has been on good behavior he might be able to get out earlier than he though. so maybe it will only be two years and not four. that made me happy even though i could not even touch him!

i talked to my parents last week and they want me to come home. my mom was crying because i said i could not go back but i cant. they kicked me out and i feel like i should stick them too that and be on my own. it is hard but i have to be tough and make it. i am starting to take classes in winter so i can get my diploma yay! i might go to visit my parents but i have to think about it. it could be abad idea though i miss them sometimes. but i have to get ready for work so bye!

trinityfyre @ 2003-08-26T11:46:00

2003-08-26T18:46:06Z

i am back! ok so work has been going ok. it has losts its nice newness so it just feels repetative now. but it is money so for that i am grateful plus i'm not living on the streets anymore. christys mom (she is a good friend from high school) is 'renting' out their spare room except it is like 20 dollars a week. i would not pay less because that is waaaay less than they should anyways. it is nice to have my own place in a way so i think i'll be here for awhile.

it sucks that summer is almost over but that is life i guess. my parents have tried to find me too. i know this because my friends have been telling me so. i don't think i want to speak to them but then again. i am not really sure, maybe at least to talk to them on the phone won't hurt.

that is all from me for now. later!

trinityfyre @ 2003-08-04T15:31:00

2003-08-04T20:38:41Z

sorry guys that i haven't updated much lately. i started my job after some boring training, and i work 20 hours at least. it makes me really tired but i am glad to be doing something productive. at least i can have some money that is only mine. my boss is nice to me so far and my co-workers are too. the customers are all different because some are nice and some are so rude i want to scream.

i am living on the streets right now most of the time. i left lisas house because i had been there too long but i come back for showers. i have a watch so i am not late to work. maybe i will be able to save up more money and have my own place! i want to see tony soon because it has been awhile. i love him sooo much. it is hard to be away someone you love. my time on the library computer is up so i am off. oh yea, LUNACHAI i will email you a picture for my background next time i am online. thank you.

!!!

2003-07-22T22:05:05Z

I GOT THE JOB! AM SO EXCITED I CAN'T EVEN SAY! YAY!

movin' along

2003-07-17T17:48:17Z

i'm thinking that if i get the job at mcdonalds i will leave lisa's house. i have been here almost 2 weeks and i feel like i am a nuisance. her family is really nice to me but i don't want to keep staying and being in the way. i am going back and seeing if i get the job tomorrow so wish me luck. i am really hopeful. today should be fun because i am going out and window shopping. it will motivate me to make sure i get a job. i haven't bought anything in long time because no money. before stuff comes though i need a place of my own to stay.

yesterday lisa's mom was asking me about my parents and why i didn't call them. i have not talkd to them for long time and i don't want to. they kicked me out for messing up and i am mad at them for that. i feel bad for my little brother who is still there. i mean they are catholic and aren't they supposed to forgive? but they can't even forgive their own daughter and that is stupid. maybe someday i will show them i made it on my own and then won't they be sorry. i am doing ok and i don't need them right now.

maybe a job

2003-07-16T17:20:31Z

ok so i applied for a job today at mcdonalds. i know it is not the best place to work but it is a job and i need money. i put my friend lisa's house as my address and her mom is being a reference for me. i am not sure when i will find out if i even get the job but i talk to the manager and he was nice to me. i hope i do get the job and then i can get my own place i hope. if i get the job i will go see tony somehow and tell him. he will be happy i think because i will be all set for him when he comes back.

trinityfyre @ 2003-07-15T20:36:00

2003-07-16T03:40:57Z

i have more time than i thought so i will explain how i got to be where i am. when i was 15, i made the big mistake of getting pregnant by a older guy. i was in love with him at time, and so the story happens to go. my parents were so angry at me and him so they kicked me out. we are really catholic except i'm not because religion always causes problems. anyways i was not worried at the time because tony and i moved in together. i was still going to high school then until they made me leave and go to a special school. then tony and i broke up and he kicked me out too and i had no place to go really. some of my friends gave me a place to stay while i was pregnant but then i had an accident where i fell down some subway steps. all i remember is waking up in the hospital and tony was there. i lost the baby and i was so so sad, but i had tony back for awhile anyway. he had me move back in and we were really happy for a few months until he got arrested for car theft. that is where he is right now and i am on the streets. i couldn't get a job to afford the apartment even though it was crap. my parents won't take me back or at least i don't think they would. right now i am staying with my friend lisa but only a few days. i don't like staying in one spot messing up somebodies family with my problems.

i really miss tony but he is in jail for at least 4 years because he had a record. i hope by the time he gets out i can be in school and have my own place. i gotta find a job first though and it is hard for me to do. i never had a job before and i don't have references or even an address. i will try though because i don't want to be like all the other kids on the street.

first entry

2003-07-16T03:25:30Z

well my friend gave me a code, and i decided to use it. i don't think i will have internet access everyday to update. i get on when i can to keep contact with my friends. hopefully someday i can look back on this journal and remember how i grew up. i'm 16 and my name is cecily. i live in new york city right now, but not with my parents anymore. they kicked me out because...i will get to that some other time. sometimes i stay in the homes of my friends and sometimes i sleep outside. i'm surviving though, and i want to find a job to make money and go to school. i'm not so smart but i do not want to be like my parents. they are bad. well that is all for now so i'm going to try to figure out how to make my journal cooler looking.